This is actually sold in Malaysia

I could think of some really bad jokes right now.

How does it taste? Bad.
Does it suck? Oh yes.

And I shan't go on any further.

The unforgiving nature of public libraries

I visited Pasir Ris library today, intending to borrow some books. After choosing a book, I realised that I didn't have a library card with me. Age must be catching up with me. I think that I might have assumed that you can borrow books with the NTU card like you do in NTU libraries. But that can't be it because I don't borrow books from the NTU library. I don't even step inside them except to borrow their stapler.

So Qinxin suggested that I try using my NTU EZ-link card to borrow the book. Well, I tried, but the machine said invalid member ID, and suggested that I go to the counter staff to remedy the problem. So I went to the library counter, and asked them if they could magically transform my card so that I could actually borrow some books.

The librarian scanned my card, and immediately accused me of losing an EZ-link card, never mind that I had just handed it to her. Noting my incredulous stare, she continued insisting that I had lost my card. I had no idea whether I was more shocked that she was insisting that I had lost my card when she was holding it, or because I was wondering what that had to do with me being unable to borrow books.

When I asked her to clarify why she insisted I had lost my card when it was in fact, in her hand, she told me that I had lost an EZ-link card in the year 2000, and hence I couldn't borrow a book with my present card, because they were afraid people would borrow books with my ID. That would have been a perfectly logical explanation, except for one fact.

I lost that card 8 YEARS AGO. I don't even remember how I lost the card, or even the fact that I had lost it, and I'm still being punished for it. Don't they have a time-out clause for things like this? I mean even people are declared legally dead after being missing for 7 years. My card has been missing for 8. Add that to the fact that the old EZ-link card only has a validity of 5 years, and this shouldn't even be an issue.

I am officially unable to borrow a library book with my EZ-link card for the rest of my life. Hooray.

Why do I like watching soccer so much?

The answer is, because the ball is round. Before you wonder why I'm stating the obvious about balls being spherical, let me clarify myself by saying I mean that because the ball is round, anything can happen.

Whoever came up with this phrase must be smirking thinking what an intelligent analogy he/she made. Probably a he. I'd like to ask him this question though. How does the ball being round relate to anything being possible? Ball = round = Murphy's law? Sorry, but I don't see the link there.

I watched the Champions League semi-final between Liverpool and Chelsea, and for much of the match it seemed that Liverpool would win. Chelsea just didn't seem up for the contest, with only Drogba upfront who seemed more interested in showing how large men have problems keeping their balance. Watching him, you'd probably think that large men are pushovers. Don't try pushing them though. They aren't all filled with helium like he is.

Need further evidence of Chelsea's indifference? The fact that Dirk Kuyt scored is a good one. Dirk Kuyt is not a footballer. He's a marathon runner. He just happens to be a marathon runner who can run balls into goals. Hence he is in the Liverpool first team, ahead of Peter Crouch, a beanpole with spindly legs and a centre of gravity over a metre high who keels over much less easily than the hulking bruiser that is Drogba. It doesn't make any sense in the laws of physics, but hey, football isn't rocket science.

Even in extra time, all 5 minutes of it, it was all Liverpool. Until a certain man by the name of John Arne Riise changed it all. This is the guy all punters would love to hate. Because right in the last minute of extra time, in the last play of the game, he ensured that Liverpool scored twice, but the final scoreline was 1-1.

All over the world, you could hear the collective cussing as betting tickets worldwide went up in smoke, Chelsea fans worldwide rejoiced, and the helium balloon called Drogba fell over again.

Here at some pictures.

Riise, in the red of Liverpool scoring a beautiful diving headed goal. Oh wait, isn't that Reina, the Liverpool goalkeeper?

Riise trying to bury his face in the grass, in his best imitation of an ostrich. The guy holding the ball is helium man. Looking at him, you couldn't tell.

All the work over 95 minutes is undone in a single second. And that's why you watch football for over 90 minutes, because in the end, all that matters is that one second, and what a second it is.

Campus Buzz.

Having finished all of my major papers for the year, I was in hall and bored. So I decided to check my NTU mail. Yes I was that bored. Who checks their NTU mail AFTER the year is over anyway?

A first pass over the mail turned up nothing eye catching. Then I saw the most recent one. It was called "Campus Buzz". Its the kind of junk that nobody looks at, in the same category as CareerHub, System Attendant, and #NTU STUDENTS' UNION#. (Like what are the #s for anyway. Not like it makes them any more relevant to the student community)

So I decided to check out what's buzzing around NTU at this time of the year. And I clicked on Campus Buzz for perhaps the first time in my NTU life. Competitions/contests... um pass. Conferences/Seminars... um no thank you. Then I saw a single link under Sports/Recreation.

It was titled "NTU Bike Rally". Well I thought that was rather interesting. So I clicked on it and read into the details. It wasn't actually too bad. Cycling along a scenic bike route with lots of other people sounded like fun. I was actually considering it until I read the last line. After I did, I just laughed out loud, and closed the mail for good.

It went like this. "Wheel you ride with me?"

Would you?

Hakuho vs Asashoryu - the real SUMO fighting 8

Why would anyone want to watch 2 fat men? Well, because this isn't just about 2 fat men.

The subtitles at the end mean
"Citizens are advised to remain indoors. Please be advised there will be a brief period of gravity fluctuations."

Hyundai commercial

It's in french, but that's not the point.

15 April. The last lap.

My attempt at poetry. Don't laugh. Alright laugh if you want to. Just don't let me see it. Lol.

The last lap

In a flash
The precipice looms
As one gingerly approaches the final hurdle before liberation
Teetering unsteadily
Taking in the calm before the storm.

Settling in
One is pitched into a tenuous few seconds on the stormy seas
As one's fate hinges upon the mercy of Poseidon
Before the abrupt crashing halt on the sands of Normandy

Torn away
The last few pulsating seconds of sanctuary
As time dictates the inevitable emergence
To face one's greatest fears, destiny and the Almighty


I could go forever, only that the exams aren't really worth that much dramatizing. But at this point, I realize that a whole year has come to this. This moment. Tomorrow, at this time, I will have finished my first paper. Tomorrow, at this time, I will be one step closer to... FREEDOM!

And now for the necessary. Better check whether my pen got ink.

Superhero Movie (2008) - Trailer HD

Can anyone say cheesy Spiderman spoof.

Schnuffel - Kuschel Song (english version)

Could this be the next Crazy Frog? Techno disguised in cute bunny packaging. Warning - Listening to this might give you a sugar overdose. Or make you destroy your laptop. Alternatively, you might find it cute beyond words.

Apparently this video inspires hundreds of kids across the world. And does the opposite to just as many adults.

You're the One that I Want

I liked this 206 video a lot. Definitely worth rewatching!

holy shit its exams and I'm blogging

Teh ping asked me a question the other day. "How is it that you always manage to look so free when the rest of us are all mugging like shit? I always see you walking around and doing other things."

To that, I would say "Elementary, my dear Watson", only that his name isn't Watson, and saying "Elementary my dear Teh ping" just doesn't do it. Not to mention that I really shouldn't be using the word "dear" on guys. Makes you wonder if Sherlock Holmes was gay.

The answer to the mystery is, I eat _______. (space left empty till somebody pays me for advertisement space)

Lol did you think I was going to let you off that easy? I certainly wouldn't attribute my relative leisure to a food product, although I am always ready to prove suggestions that abalone and sharks fin might just be it.

Ok I digress. The real answer is that I am really a robot. Not that cheap plastic kind sold in toy shops that comes with red blinking lights, and a squealing noise that irritates the crap out of anyone with common sense. I am a more sophisticated model that irritates the crap out of anyone with common sense, but they had the decency to remove the red blinking lights.

If you saw me sleeping in lecture, I was undergoing maintenance. Maintenance is what your computer does whenever it has updates , and ends up lagging every single damn shit on your computer.

I can't count the times I've started up my computer looking forward to an enriching lecture of studious notation, only to realise that it needs to reconfigure its system. Actually, I really just wanted to get onto msn so to talk about how Youngbo's placebos were so boring the hell out of us yo. Sorry, couldn't resist the rhyme there.

Which reminds me that I still haven't answered the question. Which really isn't how one should answer questions. But since it isn't graded, I don't really have an obligation to answer it correctly anyway. So here it is.

"I have a pet rhinoceros called Youngbo and it does jumping jacks."

Holy shit, its exams and I'm blogging.

A level students are smartasses.

Talking with a bunch of my old friends yesterday, being all guys, we naturally talked about our experiences being men in green. I soon realised that A level students are indeed smartasses. I say this statement with a certain degree of certainty because sometimes, I think that the things that JC students learn in school imbue them with a certain sense of superiority over supposedly less intellectual life forms, aka poly graduates and army superiors... you get my point. And my last statement was a perfect example an "imbued sense of superiority." As a result, they shoot their mouth off when they shouldn't.

I say this because I have witnessed personally and heard stories of how A level students used their intellect and unwittingly ended up sounding like a smartass. The problem with that is, nobody likes a smartass, so they get their smartasses kicked.

Story #1

There was once a parade for a platoon of NS boys in some random camp in some random part of the island. The commanding officer was inspecting the platoon, when he saw one of the boys yawn. Walking up to that boy, he asked the boy "Soldier, why are you yawning in file? Do you know you're not supposed to do that?"

The reply? "Sir, I need oxygen."

Story #2

This was an incident I heard about in somebody's BMT. An Ah Beng walked up to a A lvl student and talked to him

Ah Beng: Hey what's up?
A lvl student: The ceiling.

Ah Beng thinks for a while before getting the not so funny joke.

Ah Beng: Nah beh you are a CCB.
A level student "No, I'm not. My name is Koh. Nice to meet you.

Story #3

There was once a platoon that was being punished for not falling in on time. The commander, a captain was furious. Not only did the platoon not fall in on time, they came in the wrong attire. He started on a lecture that lasted the better part of half an hour, before issuing his ultimatum.

Captain: I give you all 10 seconds. You go upstairs and change, and fall in company line. Do you think you can do that?

(no reply)

The captain points to a random soldier. Corporal, 10 seconds not enough? How long do you need to change?

Me: 10 minutes Sir!

Yeah, that soldier was me. In case you were wondering, yes I got my ass kicked for that. And as a result, my nickname for the rest of my NS life was Ironballs.