Why don't you get a job?

The holidays are perfect because one can choose exactly what to do with their time. If one feels like idling at home, you have it. If one feels like going out, one can do just that. If one feels like catching up with friends, one can do that too. Everyday though, I hear the same old tired refrains.

Refrain 1: "Why don't you get a job? Stop wasting your time at home! Look at all your friends, they are all working and earning money!"

I've long learnt that there is no good answer to this question but finding a job. But I have no intention of finding one just yet. The next question that follows will then be a job suggestion, because being unemployed, I guess I appear totally incapable of finding a job on my own.

Refrain 2: "Go find something related to your course of study and work there!" (This one is a particular favorite. I get it everyday in different permutations without fail)

Yeah. I guess that is a good idea. But if I'm going to be working at the same job for the better part of my life, why would I want to start now? Unfortunately, my nonchalance just triggers the next refrain, which is really just ultimate for lack of a better word. Ok maybe "max".

Refrain 3: "My friend's daughter is so hardworking, she's found a job and is paying all of her own bills. Her mom never has to worry about her."

Um right. My mom happens to have a lot of friends with filial and capable daughters. I don't know where all the sons went. Probably they all joined street gangs or got themselves locked up in jail or something.

However, I'll quickly deflect the topic from there onwards because whenever an eligible female is mentioned that is around my age, the next question that follows up will inevitably be

"When are you going to find a girlfriend and show her to me?"

ARGH. Lucky for me, I have a good answer for this one.

When I find a job.

Uncle steals my seat.

Most of the time, we expect everyone including ourselves to live life according to a set of unwritten rules. In Singapore, around eating places, there are a few such rules. Like the tissue packet rule. When you see a tissue packet on the table, it means the seat is chopped. In other words, someone is sitting there so you look for another seat. However, in life there are also idiots. Idiots do the opposite of what the unwritten rules say, because they are well... idiots.

What would idiots do when confronted with a tissue packet? Well it's all too simple. They just flick it on the floor, and when you come back with your food, they tell you that the seat doesn't have your name on it so anyone can sit on it. Most Singaporeans, being non confrontational, would just curse under their breath and find another seat. Some would attempt to argue with the idiot, but he's an idiot, which means he has difficulty adding two plus two, much less understanding your argument.

However, I met a new type of idiot today. The idiot of idiots. He came in the form of a mustachioed uncle. He didn't just steal a seat, he stole it when I was about to sit on it and in front of my whole astounded family. Here's what happened.

I was about to have dinner with my family in the basement foodcourt of Parkway Parade, and the whole place was full being a Saturday night. After circling the whole food court twice, we finally found a seat for 4 that had just been vacated by another bunch of people who had been eating there. We moved towards the seats, and what happened next was probably the most outrageous form of seat snatching I've ever seen in my life. Let me demonstrate with a diagram.

This is a typical food court setup of a table with four seats. The two seats in yellow were ALREADY OCCUPIED by my family members. I was about to sit on the red, and this uncle actually audaciously rushed in and sat on it. For a few seconds, there was a stunned silence. Obviously my family couldn't share the seat of 4 with this random uncle, because there were 4 of us and we needed all 4 seats. Secondly, 2 of the seats were already occupied, isn't that like the most obvious sign ever that the seats are TAKEN? The most irritating thing was, he kept looking to his left, away from my family, pretending that he couldn't see that he had obviously taken our seats, willing us to leave our seats for 4 so that he could sit on that one seat.

At this point I was so pissed both my arms were up in the air and I was about to confront him, but the rest of my family was like "don't make a scene in the food court, its crowded and we will lose face." Sounds familiar? Well I guess most Chinese families aren't really all that different. We are so afraid of losing face that when we meet a person that thick skinned, they win every time. In food courts, good guys finish last.

But since I was with my family, I decided that I shouldn't argue with him, and in the end we went to eat somewhere else. I couldn't help feeling totally disgusted though.

Canteen B got upgraded

Yes. You read that right. Canteen B got upgraded. Finally, someone decided to do something about that excuse of a canteen. After all the complaining and suffering of students, the canteen got upgraded.

CAN B GOT UPGRADED. Sorry I had to repeat myself. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was so incredulous. CAN B GOT UPGRADED. How many times can I do this before you want to bash my head in? CAN B GOT... ok I'll stop.

There is just one problem. The upgraded portion is not exactly the canteen per se. It's more like the study area on the second level. It now has power points, and nice wooden study tables. You know what this makes me realize about how the NTU Admin thinks? The fact that they upgraded only the part of Canteen B that students use for studying, and not the main eating area or the stalls?

It makes me realize 2 things actually.

1) Only engineers deserve the best in NTU
2) Non-engineers don't study hard enough in NTU. They need to eat more books.

We complain about how all the good food is at Can A. And the admin takes the feedback, laughs at it, and builds an extension with Subway right next to Can A. To rub it in, they upgrade Can A into a food court.

Maybe the Admin mistakenly thinks that Can A is really Can B, so every time people complain about Can B, they improve Can A.

Or maybe, its because they think only engineers need to eat good food. The rest of NTU in the South Spine can eat pasta in watery cream sauce. To make it more obvious how engineers are a different breed, we're giving them aircon and proper utensils. The rest of you people can go on polluting the Earth.

If you're from the South Spine and you want good food, you'll have to walk. Don't have enough time in your timetable? Oh too bad. You're not an engineer. Go eat a book. There's a new study area built just for you to do that.

Hapless Southerner: "But I need to eat something edible before I can study!"

NTU Admin: "There are canteen stalls in Can B. Use them"

The day I thought I'd lost my handphone

I was having lunch with Sarah and her friend Samantha in Bugis. It was a very pleasant lunch, mainly because Sarah couldn't seem to stop talking about her very interesting life which moves along like a roller coaster. I have trouble wondering how anyone keeps up with her life at all, most of all herself. But it does make for interesting conversation.

Between games of monopoly, her friends and wondering how all the other CS people were doing, I somehow found time to notice that she was taking ages to finish her lunch. But that was hardly a surprise. I felt awkward that I had little to contribute, but I realised that as a guy you just have to sit there and make listening noises.

"Um yes. I understand. Would you like some ketchup to go with your fries?"

Taking that as a sign that you're listening, girls will happily go on updating you on every little thing that goes on in their lives. One good thing about being a guy. And sometimes, people don't really want you to contribute. They just want somebody to listen. Boy I could be a professional listener if anybody would actually pay for it. You have no idea how underrated yet valued a good listener is. It's not easy appearing interested ok.

After lunch, I decided to head home to rest for a bit before catching a movie at Cathay with some chums later in the evening. Feeling like I needed to touch my handphone, I looked for it. I have no idea why, but sometimes I find that I need to fiddle with my handphone, even if I have no real intention of doing anything with it. Maybe it is an unconscious need for connection with the world. Or maybe I should stop reading books about psychology.

If anything, they make me think too much. And that's a problem when my philosophy in life happens to be "Just whack and hope for the best", because I start hesitating when I should be striking when the iron is hot. And the ice is cold. And some other lame analogy that I can't think up of right now because I'm really trying too hard.

I couldn't find my handphone. I searched the pockets in my bag where I usually put it when it's not in my pocket. It wasn't there either. Now, when such a thing happens, the first thought that goes into your head is "What the f---, no way man!" Denial is such a powerful thing. Then after that, the second sensation is that horrible sinking feeling in your stomach when you realise that you've lost something, and your stomach sinks more when you start to comprehend what a huge loss it is. Like its my handphone yo. My link to the world. Someone help this poor shit.

The third phase is when you start acting like a frantic chicken. Although I didn't start clucking as you might have wished, I sure started running around like one, thinking of when I last saw the phone and where I could have left it. I concluded that the only place it could be was the place I just had lunch at. So I ran all the way back, and found a lady sitting in the seat I'd vacated.

I asked her if she'd seen a handphone. She shot back a stare that suggested she was very offended that I would have suspected her of stealing my handphone, and said curtly "No.", while giving me a glare that could melt ice. It certainly was heartwarming, though not in a conventional sense.

After that I realised that perhaps that was a stupid question. If she had taken it, she certainly wouldn't say yes. And she was probably offended that I would actually think that she'd taken my cheap handphone. I probably should have clarified "Hey miss did you see my iPhone?" So at least she could be accused of stealing branded goods. It sounds better because it makes you appear like you appreciate valuable things.

Actually, the truth was I felt indignant that she'd given me such a stare because all I'd asked was if she had seen a handphone. Somewhere in there she took it to mean that I was accusing her of stealing mine. Bitch.

Refusing to believe that I'd lost my handphone, I found a corner and started digging through my whole bag. To my utter relief, I found my handphone. Apparently I'd chucked it in there. Although I felt a little stupid at what I'd subjected myself to, the relief more than made up for it.

Random musings.

He who believes that he is right, is almost always wrong
He who believes that he knows everything, really knows nothing
He who believes that he is good, has already fallen into darkness

He who believes without question is a danger to others, and to himself

The older one gets, the more one realizes that as much as one wants to be good, there is no longer really a good that one can aspire to. What is good, but if not what society defines for us? And who decides if what society defines for us is right? If I were to say that to be a good citizen was to earn lots of money and making meaningful economic contributions to the nation, then what about all the people that I am making obscene profits off while lining my pockets with cash?

As much as doctors save lives, they also destroy them with astronomical medical costs. As much as a government claims to serve the people, it also serves its own causes. Have you ever met a government that would be mature enough to vote itself out when it was no longer effective? It will never happen, because all governments, being institutions, have the tendency to fight for self preservation. They will give you the option to vote them out, then make it as difficult as possible to do so. And the more they claim that they have the support of the people, the further they move away from actually having it.

If I were to defend my country, would I be any more moral than the enemy if I were to take another's life in the name of patriotism? At the end of the day, I might just realize that between the enemy and me, we aren't really all that different, just the same type of people, wearing different uniforms and both deluded into fighting for what we believe in, that we are right. If I were to choose not to take lives, would I be the most courageous person, or a coward? I think I already know what society would judge me to be, but at the end of the day, does it really matter what society thinks of me, if I cannot live with what I think of myself?

As one grows, one realizes that as one tries harder to live the perfect life, one moves closer to living an imperfect one, one that will consume us and leave us rich materially but empty spiritually. Because what we are trying to do in living the perfect life is trying to do what society expects of us, but not what we really want to do for ourselves. Unfortunately for us, it is also impossible to say "To blazes with society, I'll do what I want", because at the end of the day, humans need society more than society needs us.

I only hope that in 20 years, I will not be that person, who has everything, yet nothing. I can only hope that in 20 years, I can still see clearly enough to question everything I see, and consider things from all points of view, even those that I am not comfortable with.

Craziest arcade game boss ever

Totally crazy. This game was put in arcades to eat your money. But I think its scarier that people actually bother playing this and that they actually manage to beat this boss.

The holidays.

Sometimes you ask too much of people. In a book I'm reading, "Why Good People Do Bad Things" by James Hollis, it writes that some people, driven by the wounds of the past, idealize their friends, push them to the limits, and then repeatedly scream betrayal and push them away when they fall short of their too high expectations, blaming the world, without realizing that the only constant in every single one of their failed personal relationships is in fact, themselves.

A very interesting viewpoint, and I realize I might have been guilty of such behaviour if I actually had more faith in humanity. I believe that humans are on the path to their own destruction, because despite all the good things people do, it only takes one person with ill intent to make life that much more miserable for millions. And with enough nukes around to destroy the world ten times over, you can't blame me for thinking that the end hinges on a little red button somewhere. And someone crazy enough to press it.

Despite that, I do not believe that humans should stop doing good things, because there is a certain beauty in helping others, a grace that warms the heart when days are long and respite seems unforthcoming. People might not remember your name after 10 years, but they will remember how you made them feel, even if it was just for a few seconds.

I believe people are innately self-centered. Who among us, myself included, is not motivated by agendas that often run contrary to each other? Who among us, is not a mostly nice person, until a situation brings out the very worst in them? This leads me to always question the motives of people, even when what they do appears to be in good faith.

I have been told that I'm too cynical for my own good, that in dismissing others I fail to see the good in them. In making such a judgment about me though, I hope that they give me the space to clarify myself instead of foisting one upon me. One which they find convenient to use when faced with behavior that does not correspond to their belief systems of how people should act.

One of my favourite quotes comes from the novel, To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. In it, there is a character I identify with, called Dolphus Raymond. He is a white man who takes a black wife, and as a result he is shunned by the community. He also happens to be an alcoholic, or seems to be, until in chapter 20, it is revealed that he drinks nothing but Coke.

When Scout and Dill, the child protagonists in the book, ask him why he pretends to be badder than he really is, he replies that "Some folks don't like the way I live... but it helps folks if they can latch on to a reason... because they could never understand that I live like I do because that's the way I want to live."

And later, he makes one of the most honest statements I have ever read in a book, about the "simple hell people give other people - without even thinking... the hell white people give coloured people, without even stopping to think that they're people, too" This is really why people should do good things, because at the end of the day, we are all people, and we have the same hopes, fears and insecurities.

I do see the good in people, its just that I also see their darker sides, and sometimes, it doesn't help if you can read people like a book, because even before they know it themselves, you already know what they are thinking, and it scares you. Between friendship, and doing the right thing, it is often not clear which one is the path to choose.

Perhaps now, it is time to take a few days out, and review everything from a distance. Because as the Chinese say, 旁观者清。

The World's Hardest Game

Have too much time on your hands? Feel that you've run out of games to play? Feel that no game is challenging enough for you?

Introducing... the World's Hardest Game.

At first I thought that this game had overdone itself by inserting a hyperbole like "Hardest". I've played some pretty hard games. Surely this couldn't come anywhere near the Impossible Quiz. Or all the different games I'd played on hardest difficulty like Resident Evil 4 where the monsters were only just too happy to feed themselves to my gun till it ran out of bullets.

But this game deserves its tag. Not only is it frustratingly hard, it is actually very addictive because you'll want to beat it no matter any-old-cow-how, because at every stage the game tells you to give up. Humans have this thing about them. When somebody tells you you can't do it, you will want to do it even more. Even if its a stupid computer program and not really somebody. I played it so much after a while I started getting hypnotized by blue circles.

I think I have never been more frustrated at any game in my life, and yet more zealous in wanting to complete it. Try it and you'll know what I mean. The guy in the video makes it look easy. And he's only up to stage 10. If you get stuck on a stage, you can watch how to get past it on Youtube. Watching it and doing it however are two different things, as you will soon realise.

Here's where you can find the game.
http://www.addictinggames.com/theworldshardestgame.html

And here are some screenshots.


These are the instructions. Now, how could instructions these simple be part of the world's hardest game?


If you actually make it to level 30, tell me. I eventually decided to stop because my eyes were starting to see double and I think I was nearing unhealthy levels of frustration. One can live without such things in life.