He who believes that he is right, is almost always wrong
He who believes that he knows everything, really knows nothing
He who believes that he is good, has already fallen into darkness
He who believes without question is a danger to others, and to himself
The older one gets, the more one realizes that as much as one wants to be good, there is no longer really a good that one can aspire to. What is good, but if not what society defines for us? And who decides if what society defines for us is right? If I were to say that to be a good citizen was to earn lots of money and making meaningful economic contributions to the nation, then what about all the people that I am making obscene profits off while lining my pockets with cash?
As much as doctors save lives, they also destroy them with astronomical medical costs. As much as a government claims to serve the people, it also serves its own causes. Have you ever met a government that would be mature enough to vote itself out when it was no longer effective? It will never happen, because all governments, being institutions, have the tendency to fight for self preservation. They will give you the option to vote them out, then make it as difficult as possible to do so. And the more they claim that they have the support of the people, the further they move away from actually having it.
If I were to defend my country, would I be any more moral than the enemy if I were to take another's life in the name of patriotism? At the end of the day, I might just realize that between the enemy and me, we aren't really all that different, just the same type of people, wearing different uniforms and both deluded into fighting for what we believe in, that we are right. If I were to choose not to take lives, would I be the most courageous person, or a coward? I think I already know what society would judge me to be, but at the end of the day, does it really matter what society thinks of me, if I cannot live with what I think of myself?
As one grows, one realizes that as one tries harder to live the perfect life, one moves closer to living an imperfect one, one that will consume us and leave us rich materially but empty spiritually. Because what we are trying to do in living the perfect life is trying to do what society expects of us, but not what we really want to do for ourselves. Unfortunately for us, it is also impossible to say "To blazes with society, I'll do what I want", because at the end of the day, humans need society more than society needs us.
I only hope that in 20 years, I will not be that person, who has everything, yet nothing. I can only hope that in 20 years, I can still see clearly enough to question everything I see, and consider things from all points of view, even those that I am not comfortable with.