Sometimes you ask too much of people. In a book I'm reading, "Why Good People Do Bad Things" by James Hollis, it writes that some people, driven by the wounds of the past, idealize their friends, push them to the limits, and then repeatedly scream betrayal and push them away when they fall short of their too high expectations, blaming the world, without realizing that the only constant in every single one of their failed personal relationships is in fact, themselves.
A very interesting viewpoint, and I realize I might have been guilty of such behaviour if I actually had more faith in humanity. I believe that humans are on the path to their own destruction, because despite all the good things people do, it only takes one person with ill intent to make life that much more miserable for millions. And with enough nukes around to destroy the world ten times over, you can't blame me for thinking that the end hinges on a little red button somewhere. And someone crazy enough to press it.
Despite that, I do not believe that humans should stop doing good things, because there is a certain beauty in helping others, a grace that warms the heart when days are long and respite seems unforthcoming. People might not remember your name after 10 years, but they will remember how you made them feel, even if it was just for a few seconds.
I believe people are innately self-centered. Who among us, myself included, is not motivated by agendas that often run contrary to each other? Who among us, is not a mostly nice person, until a situation brings out the very worst in them? This leads me to always question the motives of people, even when what they do appears to be in good faith.
I have been told that I'm too cynical for my own good, that in dismissing others I fail to see the good in them. In making such a judgment about me though, I hope that they give me the space to clarify myself instead of foisting one upon me. One which they find convenient to use when faced with behavior that does not correspond to their belief systems of how people should act.
One of my favourite quotes comes from the novel, To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. In it, there is a character I identify with, called Dolphus Raymond. He is a white man who takes a black wife, and as a result he is shunned by the community. He also happens to be an alcoholic, or seems to be, until in chapter 20, it is revealed that he drinks nothing but Coke.
When Scout and Dill, the child protagonists in the book, ask him why he pretends to be badder than he really is, he replies that "Some folks don't like the way I live... but it helps folks if they can latch on to a reason... because they could never understand that I live like I do because that's the way I want to live."
And later, he makes one of the most honest statements I have ever read in a book, about the "simple hell people give other people - without even thinking... the hell white people give coloured people, without even stopping to think that they're people, too" This is really why people should do good things, because at the end of the day, we are all people, and we have the same hopes, fears and insecurities.
I do see the good in people, its just that I also see their darker sides, and sometimes, it doesn't help if you can read people like a book, because even before they know it themselves, you already know what they are thinking, and it scares you. Between friendship, and doing the right thing, it is often not clear which one is the path to choose.
Perhaps now, it is time to take a few days out, and review everything from a distance. Because as the Chinese say, 旁观者清。