Before the exams ended, everyone was like "I can't wait for them to end!" "No more studying!"
Now that they've ended, I see the very same people wondering "Now, what next?"
We spend our lives preparing to survive exams, and without them, we are lost. We don't plan far because over the horizon, there's always an exam. And we are constantly caught up in a rat race, where we try to can end up richer, more successful, and live better lives than everyone else.
I am very darned sick of it.
When will we get to live for ourselves? In that little time after graduation and before starting work? If I'm lucky enough not to be tied to an office job, it is still likely that I will not do a job I love, so that I live my life not feeling like I've worked a single day, but rather, that I'm living every day.
Why do we often feel like we don't know what we want to do in the future? It's really simple. We have not spent enough time finding out what that is. And if we don't do that, we risk becoming another one of those lost souls who sell their time to organisations. I'd gladly waste 2 years, if I could find something I know I'd want to do for the next 20. I just pray I have 2 years to waste.
I'm studying because my parents think its the only way to earn a good living, but I know its not. I can see that the degree I'm graduating with is pretty worthless, and that I should just quit school and gain experience somewhere else. But no, I can't do that because I'm living in an Asian society. And I happen to be the oldest son. I hate this role sometimes, because I know my parents have pinned all their hopes on me, and that weight clips my wings and crushes my dreams.
I can't hope to marry into a rich family either, because I'm not female, so I don't have this option to use. It's a very cruel joke indeed, but one I'm becoming more aware of the older I get.
Sometimes, I fear that I study so hard because deep down inside, I know its the only thing I do well. Its almost ridiculous that at 22, the only thing I can say that about is passing exams. Seriously, tell me what else you are good for. Then compare yourself to people in the world out there. It really puts everything into perspective.
It's becoming increasingly apparent that the only learning I still need to do is in the real world out there. The more I do modules like "Communication history", the more I know I'm right. Feel free to disagree with me professors, but I'm not training to be you. Stuff your books and drown in your texts if you wish.
Even at 22, I don't feel like I've lived. Everyday, as I surf the Internet, I realise how big the world is out there, and I realise I only know it through the media and vacations, which no longer suffices.
I want to put myself out there, so I can see what people want, and don't want me to see. And everything in between. I don't want to stay in this little bubble anymore. Caged animals are the most ravenous. Just ask the white tigers at the zoo. Being stuck sure gives you an insatiable appetite.