As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
- John F. Kennedy
A poignant phrase, one which lends itself well to self reflection. This week, Singapore mourned the loss of one Kwa Geok Choo. Eulogies abounded, tears flowed, and people queued by the thousands, all to catch a glimpse of a great person, to share in the grief of a family, to reiterate all that her life stood for, an unselfish love, a keen intellect, and an indomitable dignity characterised by humility in the face of ostentation.The tributes were numerous, and deserving. For she had lived a life well lived, juggling twin roles as a family and career woman with equal aplomb. Her impact on the development of Singapore cannot be denied, even as the cynics will be quick to close ranks about their favourite target of dissent, the family and all that it stands for in Singapore.
To fully get a grasp of what kind of lady Mdm Kwa was, one only has to read the anecdotes. One of them, which I still remember, was how she chose to queue in line for the post office, even as the staff of the post office scrambled to let her cut the queue because of who she was. And such incidents were not isolated. It was the humility and dignity with which she conducted her life that was inspiring, rather than anything else about it. And of course, the love that she had for her family and all that she associated with.
But, that is but one life, albeit an inspirational one.
Even as I read the tributes that flowed in from the print media, television and cyberspace, I could not help but wonder how many were simply caught up in the emotion of the moment. It is one thing to be inspired, it is another to live out one's whole life as a changed person in the face of that inspiration. For most people, their loss is nowhere as profound as that of the immediate family members. Most Singaporeans barely knew her as a person. If anything, they only knew about her from the glowing tributes paid to her in her demise, which of course the skeptics may argue was only to be expected.
There is also the fact that she was very much, an anachronism. A brilliant woman in a time that did not value the role of women as movers in society. While her achievements were no doubt commendable, they were mostly so in the context of her times. Nowadays, if a woman was to juggle both her career and family well, people would hardly bat an eyelid. And it is hardly surprising, because we all know such women. There is one in almost every home, and they deserve our respect because we can never thank them enough.
A question often raised is then how we can aspire to such greatness, how we can be like such people. Children are often asked, "when you are younger, what do you wish to be when you grow up?" And inevitably, their answers will reflect the aspirations of their parents for them. "I want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a rich man, or the future President of Singapore."
I often chuckle at the innocence of these kids. As much as their earnestness is sincere and heartwarming, they have absolutely no idea what they have just uttered, or the kind of journey that they will have to undertake to reach where they think they want to be.
As one grows older, it becomes more apparent that for one to do the great things, the things that really matter, are the simple ones, done diligently and with conscientiousness to their application. In an age where material wealth is prized above all else and the pressure to acquire riches can be overwhelming, there are not many that can look beyond all that and realise that money is not everything.
It is apparent in the lives around us, in the neverending need to have a bigger house, flat, or car than our peers. It is apparent even at the highest levels of our governing bureaucracy, where the people on top trumpet stellar economic growth without realising that the life of the average man is only getting harder.
Even as prices rise due to increasing standards of living, which causes families to shrink due to the costs of raising a child, they bring in huge numbers of foreign labour to our shores to maintain an everpresent supply of cheap labour for companies investing in Singapore. And this increased population only serves to drive up living costs further, but of course our population is now growing at a healthy rate, even if it is not really Singaporean.
There is really little one can do individually to influence these systems. Singapore has to remain economically competitive because of what it is, a small nation-state with no resources in a capitalist world. The only thing that is left for us to do is to maintain a strength of character even in difficult times, the simple thing that is very difficult to do.
By strength of chracter, I do not mean a submissive resignation to the inevitable. I mean being a person of integrity, honesty, good sense, and a loving disposition, even as pressures move us to be anything but. There will be the temptations of greed, envy, and many more, that have led people greater than us to fall by the wayside.
Becoming a great person, and great is a very tenuous and vague term here, but I will define it as one worthy of others' respect, is really the product of millions of small decisions. Choosing not to lie, cheat, or be nasty to people who do not deserve it. Choosing to always give one's best, even when it is so much easier not to. Recognising that love is really great in its selflessness, not when one looks to gain something out of it. And finally, having the serenity of character to accept life for what it is, when it cannot go one's way, instead of trying to gain what is not ours.
They are the basis of all religions and moral guides, the simple things. But the reason why they still endure as admonishments, is precisely because they are simple lessons that are very difficult to learn, and even more difficult to apply.