A new year, a new day, bringing with it the hope and optimism that this year will be better. But all around the world, there are those living the New Year as though it were just another day, another trial in the long slog called Life.
Why do we always seek an occasion to make a fresh start? Is it any less significant if we were to start afresh everyday, rather than only once a year? Must we only make resolutions in the New Year that we probably won't see out by the end of this week? And many times, do we really know what we are looking for?
I've spent too long looking for acceptance by people who do not value everything I have given, or my gifts and strengths, without realising that there are still those who appreciate me, who love me on a daily basis, for what I am, and for who I am. And I've spent too long punishing myself for what I lack, much of it unfair because I am what I am not because of them, but despite them.
I've spent too long ashamed of what I was, because I never saw what others valued in me, only because I was looking for value in others who didn't value me. I got myself caught up in a web of superficiality and insecurity, and now that I've had some downtime in the holidays, I see more clearly now.
If there is one thing I took away from 2007, it is about not being the guy who was just nice to everybody. From now, I will focus on being nice to those who matter. It is not about being mean, being insecure, or being stupid. It is about being kinder to myself. No one can give without getting something in return, and no one should be expected to. And it can get very tiring. Sometimes, people do not deserve that much kindness. It is better spent on people who do.
No longer will I punish myself listening to a voice telling me I'm not good enough in any way, or that I need people to confirm my own self-worth. I have always known what I am, and no longer will I listen to people who do not appreciate it, or thoughts telling me otherwise.
My resolution for 2008 - Be kinder to myself, and to those who matter.