I don't know how it happened, but somewhere in Paris, I picked up a knee injury. I have no idea if I knocked it into something, or whether I overused it by walking everywhere, but now I can't bend or straighten my leg without feeling a sharp stab of pain, which is a problem because a leg is either bent or straight. It could also be broken, but let's not go there.
Being stubborn, I hauled myself bad knee and all, all over the stone pavements of Holland, and now my knee has officially rebelled. I have the dexterity of an old man, and the gait to match. Botox some old man and we'd be identical twins, stride for stride. Heck, old men move faster than me on the streets these days. They have high tech motorised wheelchairs that allow them to Daytona on the pavements just by pressing a button. They don't even need to insert tokens to start. Cheats.
Today, I went on a jaunt around London looking for a present for my brother because his birthday is coming up soon and my mom just spent an entire chat hinting I should get something for him because I'm in the UK.
"You spent a lot of money on your holidays ah. Remember to buy something for your brother."
"Yes mom."
"Did you know your brother lost his iTouch. Get something for him."
"Yes mom."
"So when are you coming back? Your brother's birthday is coming soon. Don't forget his present."
"Yes mom."
"Buy something..."
(Interrupts) "Yes mom"
Okay, maybe "hinting" is the wrong word.
As a result of that jolly jaunt, now I have trouble climbing staircases. As anybody with a knee injury will know, climbing up is the easy part. Somehow, its the getting down that makes you want to scream bloody blue murder, and other unprintable swear words. I tried psycho-ing myself. It's all in the mind weili, you can walk normally if you want to.
So I made an attempt to run. I used the f-word. No, actually I used a string of f-words and some choice hokkien expletives. Not only did it hurt like hell, but I just remembered that if I injured it further here, I have no medical coverage. The nearest doctor of any kind here is a veterenarian, and I think vets are better known for neutering animals or putting them down than treating knee problems.
"Hi vet. I've got a knee problem."
"Alright. I have two ways of doing this. Do you want me to chop off your balls or would you rather I induce a dose of lethal drugs."
"Uh, I can't pay you if you kill me"
"Alright, off with the balls then."
"No! Dammit, it's my KNEE. MY KNEE DAMMIT."
"Sorry, that's all I know."
Sigh, I am just so pissed. I want to play soccer when I go back, and now I'm only good for handing out 100 Plus. Damn loser.