The events described below are real. No matter how ridiculous they sound, they really did happen. If they sound ridiculous, it was no fault of the victims. Blame the retarded perpetrator.
I was waiting for my National Express bus to get to Luton Airport. As it was a Friday night and around 1am, the area was crowded with drunks and security officers watching the drunks, who were streaming out of the Font Bar near the bus terminal. The drunks were really drunk, like one guy tried to give his friend inside a taxi the finger and proceeded to slip and fall on his fat butt to our utter bemusement. The others were simply staggering around to the nearest taxis.
So that was the scene. I was at the bus stop with Jocelyn, Xinling and Mich, and one random indian dude. The indian dude was obviously drunk, and after awhile he started going "chink chink", very obviously referring to us. I joked about how I usually said "Your mother is a pig" (你妈妈是猪) in Chinese when I met racist people, and the whole bunch of us laughed.
The indian dude took offence, calling us chink and trying his best to speak Chinese in some weird accent. The resulting utterance from his lips could be likened to the sound made if someone had pinched his nose and squeezed his balls, a high pitched nasal garble reminiscent of eunuchs in Chinese period dramas.
Seeing that we were starting to take notice of his actions like you would notice a monkey jumping around in a zoo exhibit, he started pulling back the skin on the side of his eyes trying to make them slit-like, in an obvious reference to how Chinese people have small eyes. It was really very funny because he was the only one at the bus stop who looked retarded, and he didn't want to stop. I didn't stop him either because I wasn't sure he'd understand English at that point. After all, his monkey-see monkey-do behaviour demonstrated that he had already regressed to simian levels of intelligence. And secretly I was quite flattered that this guy was trying so hard to imitate our facial features.
Following that, he started taunting us with the words "Chinese and Japanese". Well, thank you very much dude but I'm Singaporean? It's like calling you a roti prata. It's wrong but it fits somehow because it has one or two correlations. I speak Chinese, I have small eyes like the Japanese, but I am neither because I speak English well. It's just like how you would look best if someone flipped you and drenched you in curry, but nobody does it because you would probably taste bad.
A few moments later though he started getting a little dangerous. He was smoking, so he actually flicked his half-smoked cigarette butt at us, and it landed just next to Mich. I quickly stubbed it out with my shoe, but we decided we had had enough and the 3 girls moved to the other end of the bus stop. Seeing that they had moved away, he decided to come over and talk to me. He said some nonsense like "I'm sorry for being racist, looking at your backpacks I know you all come from LRC, not from the font bar, you were all studying, I'm really sorry for scaring the girls here etc."
It might seem funny that he was apologising, but I was buying none of it. I knew he was apologising just so that he could rub in the fact that we came from the LRC so we must have been studying, and hence we were "Chinese nerds", another name he had called us earlier.
Oh well, yes we did come from the LRC. But if you think we're here to study, you couldn't be more wrong. I was about to board a National Express bus for my trip to Ireland. My life is so much better than yours, because at least I don't have to drink in a bar to try and forget I don't have one. I don't have to stoop to drinking in a bar where they don't even sell good drinks. Seriously, that is so sad it would bring tears to my face except that I'm too busy enjoying myself to notice your pathetic life.
If I really wanted to study, the last place I would choose to study is here with you, because you have convinced me that really, I should be studying someplace else where I actually have to try to pass. Here all I need to do is make sure I don't drink every night, and turn up for class the next morning to take attendance. Oh my, I just realised that you probably have problems doing that too.
On top of that I had no idea this university was educating monkeys. You must be a learning resource from the linguistics department, because they love doing experiments on chimpanzees. That's good, I'm studying that right now and I would really appreciate having a chimp on which to practice the concept of a theory of mind, only that you don't appear to have enough cognitive ability to recognise that you have one.
Oh well, what to do, pratas don't have brains. C'est la vie.