The disinterested generation

"So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time"

I was clearing up the contacts on my phone the other day and I realised that a lot of the folks that I have belong to the disinterested generation. In the past, when someone talked to you, if you didn't reply it was actually plain rude. I guess it was partly because it was really kind of hard to reach a person in those olden days, so when a person actually made a real attempt to reach you by phone, mail or by meeting you in person, you had to give some kind of reply to show that you appreciated the effort.

Fast forward to today. Now, it is nearly impossible not to reach someone. There is the phone, sms, email, facebook and twitter, and yet I would easily say people are a lot less appreciative of contact these days. They even take it for granted. These days, when I ask people how they are, I get ignored. After awhile, I stop asking. Then I proceed to delete this person from my phone, and I forget about this person entirely. And I make new friends.

I've heard all the excuses, that people are very busy these days, that they have short attention spans, that they had a lot on their minds. To me these are excuses. If you have ever been ignored despite having the best of intentions, you will know how much it hurts. You would not wish something like that on your family, or your close friends. And if someone you considered a close friend were to hurt you like that, cut them loose immediately. It is the surest sign that in their lives, you are taken for granted. Nobody enjoys that feeling, so why give them that privilege?

I had a person I once considered a close friend promise to lunch with me, before standing me up and blaming me for not understanding her circumstances. This after making me wait an hour for lunch and cancelling all my other lunch appointments just for her, which effectively meant that I had to lunch alone and in a rush too. And when you work, you will understand just how precious the lunch hour is. And that was the second time. The first time, I forgave. The second time, I decided to be kinder to myself.

I have not spoken to her since, and I do not ever intend to again. You could say it is about being the bigger person, but it is also about being fair to yourself.

Yes, I cut people out of my life. If you are somebody who has not contacted me in the past year, chances are I don't store your number anymore. And I don't find that I miss these contacts, because in the first place our friendship had reached the point where I was being taken for granted, and that is never healthy for any friendship. Such friends are not people you can rely on, they are only friends with you when they need you, otherwise you are just another person. And in any case, it is so easy to reach anyone these days, I don't even need their phone numbers. All I have to do, if I really want to, is to find them on facebook or email them. Or I ask someone else.

It does not mean I don't engage these people when they do contact me, it just means that I keep more of my energy for other people who deserve my attention more than they do. I guess a part of growing up is accepting that as time passes people change, some people move out of your lives and others come in to take their place. Even those you want to keep as friends, because sometimes they don't even try. And there is nothing much you can do about that, but to accept it and move on.
 
This has also taught me to really appreciate the friends that have stayed. A friend recently asked me how I can just do it, just cut people out so casually. I tell them its simple, most of the time, the ones who deserve to be cut out are practically begging for you to do so. But the ones that stay, they are the ones that you can build fulfilling friendships around, to make you a better person.