It was Saturday evening and there wasn't any food left on my shelf, so I had to get a takeaway and do some grocery shopping. Arriving at the town centre, I was confronted with a row of shops. There was fried chicken, but I passed on it because I had heard it was too salty. There was Chinese food too, but it was a little on the expensive side. There were kebabs, but I wasn't in the mood for those. And there was Ladbrokes, the local betting shop, but this lad was a little too broke for Ladbrokes.
So I settled on Subway. Somehow, when faced with a row of unfamiliar shops, you will gravitate towards the American fastfood chain because it is reassuring to know what to expect from your meal. The guy inside manning the shop had just wiped the tables though, so he wouldn't let me eat in the outlet. "Takeaway only" he said.
With sub in hand I trudged out into the bitter cold so characteristic of night in these parts. The only place I could eat the sub in warmth was at the supermarket, so I walked over, and found a corner to sit.
The people in the supermarket paid me no heed as I slowly worked away at the sub. The cashiers were busy keeping the tills ringing, and shoppers hurried on their way to get home with their groceries.
I was leaning against a pillar, and suddenly I heard a group of young guys on the other side. They were laughing, making hooting noises, and having a conversation although I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying.
Suddenly, the conversation ended abruptly, and the whole group started leaving. One of the guys in the group suddenly came right up to me, put his face right next to mine and shouted right into my face. I was so stunned that it took me a few seconds to realise that I had just endured yet another incident of racism. I looked around at the supermarket staff, who were just as surprised at what they had just witnessed, but they quickly looked down and carried on with their jobs. It was then that I realised that the discussion they'd been having was about a dare to intimidate the Asian on the other side of the pillar.
I still remember the expression on his face as he shouted at me. It is probably something I will never forget. It was mocking, with a defiance that said "I'd like to see what you can do about this", the look a person gives to someone he feels nothing but contempt for, knowing full well the person has no means of fighting back. I was tempted to stuff my half eaten sub into his large mouth, but I realised that if I had done that it would be a waste of a good sub.
It was then that I realised something. You can live here, but because of how you look, because of the fact that the way you look marks you out as someone that doesn't belong, you will never be treated as well as you will be in your own country. You will always be an outsider, alien to the culture, alien to the locals, and no matter how much you try to fit in, your attempts are doomed because your skin colour is a badge that you cannot remove.
And yet through it all, there is nothing I can do but forgive their ignorance and immaturity. Bigotry is borne out of ignorance, a series of stereotypes people assign to something they have little understanding of, and thus fear. I could very easily give in to the indignation that arises, and develop a view of British people as racist philistines, but that would be equivalent to putting on the same pair of bigoted glasses they have, a pair that blinds more than it helps one to see.
I have met many people in this country, of which most of them have been nothing but warm to me, and the memory of their kindness tempers the inevitable pain that comes from being judged by the ignorant and found wanting, the pain that comes from being wronged having done nothing to deserve being treated so mean.
I forgive, because ignorance is something my conscience will not let me claim.