What can I say that hasn't been said about swine flu already? Well, firstly you cannot catch swine flu by eating pork, because the current strain of virus has mutated into a form that is more suitable for human to human transmission. Good news for me because I am sick of chicken. I am Chinese. I need my bak kwa. And my abalone. The last part is a hint that if anyone is feeling rich from having struck 4D or found a rich boyfriend/girlfriend that I would like some. It's known as charity towards your fellow man and the accumulation of good karma.
Although Britain is currently besieged by swine flu, I don't feel the effects at all. I could almost accuse the newspapers of trying to create a mass panic to sell more papers, because I think that is precisely what they are doing. Some people would probably say I'm being too cynical because increased newspaper coverage helps drive home the fact that swine flu is a serious threat, but really, to do that we just need the facts and figures. We don't really need full length articles day in day out about how swine flu might ruin our lives, or a detailed explanation for the 10th time on why the Tube is a perfect breeding ground for swine flu.
The Tube is a perfect breeding ground for swine flu, chicken pox, dust clouds, furry rats, smelly people, white supremacists, Oyster cards with insufficient value, and perpetually lost tourists who would rather snap pictures than figure out where the hell they're going. They are the same ones who stand on the left side of the escalator. Keep right you bozos. Can't you read the signs?
The Tube could probably breed anything if you gave it enough time. They have line closures all the time for engineering works, but for all you know they could be doing it because they need to scrape green algae off the walls before it grows so thick the trains can't pass through their tiny tunnels.
Today, I read an article in the London Lite about how getting swine flu is really very similar to a normal flu, and hence according to this 11 year old girl, we have nothing to worry about. I have no idea what kind of reassurance that is supposed to be, it's like saying "oh even if you get swine flu you won't die, if you do you were destined to die anyway because even the normal flu would have killed you." Seriously, it was one of the strangest articles I've read in a long time.
I hope I don't get quarantined when I'm back. It would suck to be forced to spend a week at home for a flu that is as deadly as "normal flu", knowing full well people with normal flu are walking around and I don't even have the damned thing.